Can someone do revision for me?
Angelica Resendez is passionate about becoming a special education teacher. She is passionate about special education because she loves to work with kids and take care of them. Her warm and caring character makes her perfect for the job. Kids have been a big part of her life. One perfect example of her passion is her volunteer work at the special olympics. She ended up helping her team win a basketball tournament, earning the right to be in an interview on the news with one of the special education players. Another prime example of her passion is her 2 years experience working with special education students and taking classes to advance her way towards becoming a special education teacher. She is continuing her path towards a degree in special education at ISU and obtaining a bachelors. Once she has a bachelors, Angelica can commit the rest of her life to her passion, taking care of special needs kids. Her loving character was built through all this. From experiences to gaining knowledge, Angelica’s passion of being a part of the special education community can truly be seen.
Angelica Resendez is passionate about becoming a special education teacher. She is passionate about special education because she loves to work with kids and take care of them. Her warm and caring character makes her perfect for the job. Kids have been a big part of her life. One perfect example of her passion is her volunteer work at the special olympics. She ended up helping her team win a basketball tournament, earning the right to be in an interview on the news with one of the special education players. Another prime example of her passion is her 2 years experience working with special education students and taking classes to advance her way towards becoming a special education teacher. She is continuing her path towards a degree in special education at ISU and obtaining a bachelors. Once she has a bachelors, Angelica can commit the rest of her life to her passion, taking care of special needs kids. Her loving character was built through all this. From experiences to gaining knowledge, Angelica’s passion of being a part of the special education community can truly be seen.
1 Answer
Generally, this is okay! I would recommend that you add more variety in your sentence types, i.e. use more complex and compound sentences.
Also, try to not repeat what you have said twice. For example, the first two sentences:
Angelica Resendez is passionate about becoming a special education teacher. She is passionate about special education because she loves to work with kids and take care of them.
Here, you say that she is passionate twice. Instead, combine the two sentences...
Because of her love to work with kids and care for them, Angelica Resendez plans to pursue her passion of becoming a special education teacher.
Besides from that, here is your paragraph with a few corrections. I have bolded what I have changed. You should consider going through the paragraph and adding complex and compounds sentences.
Angelica Resendez is passionate about becoming a special education teacher. She is passionate about special education because she loves to work with kids and take care of them. Her warm and caring character makes her perfect for the job. Kids have been a big part of her life. One perfect example of her passion is her volunteer work at the special olympics , where she ended up helping her team win a basketball tournament. Because of this outstanding accomplishment, she earned the right to be in an interview on the news with one of the special education players. Another prime example of her passion is her two-year experience working with special education students and taking classes to prepare herself in becoming a special education teacher . She is continuing her path towards a degree in special education at ISU and obtaining a bachelors, after which she can commit the rest of her life to her passion -- taking care of special needs kids. Her loving character was built through all this. From experiences to gaining knowledge, Angelica’s passion of being a part of the special education community can truly be seen. (You should consider combining the last two sentences).
These are mostly only suggestions! Feel free to use the corrections that you personally think help convey your point best.
Hope this helps!
