Question #f605f
1 Answer
Omit needless words.
Explanation:
One way to improve this essay would be to omit needless words. Now this isn't my own quote; rather, it is from Strunk and White's Elements of Style. For example, near the beginning you wrote, "however, in my point of view, I strongly think...." This is too wordy, with much unnecessary verbiage. When writing an argument essay, you should state your ideas without saying "I think" or "in my opinion." If you think something is true, then just say what it is! Then prove to the reader why it's true, instead of saying "I believe this is true." So you could instead say, "however, getting up early in the morning and starting the day's work is a better option because it is good for the health and it makes people do their works better."
There were also a few grammatical errors in here. If you carefully edit, though, that should take care of that. Capitalize "however," change it to "do their work" instead of "do their works." Just some small things that make a big difference. Maintaining accurate grammar is especially important in argument essays because if you have a lot of distracting errors, it doesn't matter how good your points are. You won't seem credible. But if you fix these, the reader will think you know what you're talking about. So for the revision, "However , getting up early in the morning and starting the day's work is a better option because it is good for your health , and it makes people do their work better."
Now let's focus on making it more precise and direct. "Do their work better" is kind of vague, so you should replace it with something else. The same goes for "good for your health." Instead, maybe you could say, "However, getting up early in the morning and starting the day's work is a healthier and more efficient option." Boom. You have an excellent thesis. Just apply these rules to the rest of your essay and you'll have a five-star essay in no time!
